Up To Interpretation: Dream 1

For today’s post I decided I would begin a post series.  I dream consistently and vividly almost every single day.

This series will be called “Up To Interpretation“!

I’m going to give you a coding system to decipher the next few paragraphs:

The italic style of font will represent real life information.

The bold will represent my dream.

          I am with my family in my grandma’s house.  My aunt, Sara, starts talking to me about my time in college (I studied performance arts/directing) and she brings up my senior project.  For senior projects we are required to fulfill two significant roles (directing, acting, stage managing, writing, etc) for a short performance we put on stage.  I searched and searched and couldn’t find any short play I liked enough to put on for my classmates… So I wrote my own musical.  Many told me that I had some seriously good material written!  I was ecstatic.  The audience had a really TRUE and HONEST reaction to my work.  Sadly, I went over time and the teachers cut my story short with only a few lines left of the show.  I have resented this.  My show was recorded and a copy was given to me… and I haven’t watched it for three years because I know I will not be happy with what I see.  I know I will be upset that it wasn’t perfect.

          She tells me she has a recording of my performance and she grabs her phone to show me.  I tell her I don’t want to see it!  I know how hard it will be to watch.  But I’m not in control of this dream so I watch.  The moment I look at the phone I am transported into the scene- into the past.  I hear the mocking laugh of a young man I have known for years, have romantic history with, and currently work alongside.  It is painful to hear his bellowing and mocking laugh at my performance.  In the scene I jump into a pool and I pretend to drown.  I can still hear his laughter.  I go all the way down into the deep blue pool, I can feel my ears under extreme pressure, I dive deeper to create suspense… when suddenly I see how deeply I have dived.  I begin to when panic when I almost run out of breath.  I push myself back to the surface and gasp for air.

          My scene is over and now it is time for this young man I know to perform HIS senior project.  He is sitting casually in the pool and has the first line.  This young man has a tendency to speak very loudly and boisterously but certainly not very clearly.  I repeat his line for the whole class to hear almost immediately after he speaks.  I enunciate each syllable, correcting him.  The tension in the room is very clear as he turns back to glare daggers at me.  He starts the scene over again and now he can’t get the line right because I’ve gotten in his head.  I try to apologize and the entire room turns on me.  I apologize over and over again and everyone yells at me.

          “Stop!  Taylor, stop!!” They cry.  I look him in the eyes and ask if I can apologize to him separate from the group.  He agrees and as we walk out the room… the group calls out angrily to me again, “TAYLOR, STOP, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!  Leave him alone!!”

          I look back at the group and say, “He said it was okay.  Just let me do it.”

          I don’t remember even talking to him personally.  I accidentally follow him into the men’s restroom.  Then I realize the men and the women restrooms are connected.  I’m barefoot in the bathroom.  How did that happen?  I am disgusted but not all too perturbed.

          We walk back toward the group and stop short of the door.  He turns to me and says, “Taylor, I understand now what you were doing.  I see how people interact with you as you pass and I realize how gracious you are.  Everything is okay.”  I don’t quite understand what it is he means by this because nobody has passed us or even said anything to me.  Then it clicks.  I look back at him and I smile because I can feel all the warmth in my heart.  I understand now that the reason I was barefoot in the restroom (a place people go to defecate) and somehow manage to remain calm is because I put up with people’s “shit”.

          I look at him and say, “You walked a mile in my shoes!!!  Walk with me more and you will see things that you have never seen before!”

My graciousness remains in the face of adversity.

I will continue to do the things I want to do… no matter what.  I want to LOVE!  I may not say I love you out loud due to stubbornness… but if I DO tell you– Consider yourself lucky because I finally got over myself and spoke the truth.

This is an inspirational song to me.  Stefani Germanotta is Lady Gaga before she became Lady Gaga.  The lyrics are very powerful:

You’re never ever gonna stop me now!!! 🙂

Side Note: Something strange happens every time my family comes into town and we are all together.  I am reminded of who I REALLY AM.  I am reminded of the child-like and innocent being that I am.  My family also questions everything that I am doing and everything that I SAID I would do but never did… and more importantly they want nothing but my happiness.  I am eternally grateful.

With all the love,


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